i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh god the rape fog is back!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
are you so shy because you have an std?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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