yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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