I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
