Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
