If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
