as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
