A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
