he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
