Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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