I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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