just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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