I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
