You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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