I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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