Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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