i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
