walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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