I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
