And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
