i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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