Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
