He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
