Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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