Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
