it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
