just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
