I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
