Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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