So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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