i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
