??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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