i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
