I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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