im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
