Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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