i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
