Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
