My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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