You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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