So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
