If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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