Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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