Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
