I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We left the knife in your bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
