i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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