We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
