I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
