I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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