I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and she was petting her beer can
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
