Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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