i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
