the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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