Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
