I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
