How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
