Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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