JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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