My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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